June 2011
1 post
May 2011
1 post
February 2011
5 posts
Smokin’ pot, unpackin’ the kitchen, listenin’ to jimi hendrix.
Behind it there’s a big giant weird old house out by the ocean. I can’t wait to explore this bitch. Theres all types of old school cupboards and rooms and whatnot. So old some guys name “Frank Jacobs” I guess from when door name tags were your form of ID, like otherwise they wouldn’t know who lived there. Put his name on the door on my birthday 54 years ago and...
November 2010
12 posts
People I Hate Today:
My kids mom.
The robot lady who keeps calling me with “an important business matter. Please return my call at 800 something or other extension blah blah blah.” If you expect me to pay my debts you can’t get cheap and hit me up with robo calls.
The DMV.
Taking the train home this weekend . . .
to see my girlfriend and engage in some tomfoolery.
As a Bay Area Native
I gotta say that living in LA and watching the Lakers win the NBA title, was more exciting thn the Giants winning the world series. I’m just sayin’ it was better … but I’m still glad the Giants won.
In LA, everybody gets the day off if there;s going to be a ticker tape parade for the Lakers. Like, you dont even have to take a sick day, because even your boss...
Creepy Hair
Women: If your hair is within 3 inches of your waist line, that’s shit IS creepy and gross. Women: if your hair is long enough to cover up your tramp stamp, that shit is creep and gross. If you have two or more kids and live in a 2 bedroom apartment, that shit is creepy and gross. Women: if you are a hairdresser for a profession, that shit is creepy and gross. If you ride hard for...
In a, That's A First:
I managed to bar crawl (or pub hop if you’re a homo from the UK) completely alone tonight. Yep. Just got off the train and grabbed a drink in every single bar (about 12) on the walk home.
Does that make me a hero or a lost cause?
CNN projecting California's Prop 19 will go down...
I don’t usually “LOL,” but … LOL
October 2010
13 posts
On some more conspiracy shit . . .
I’m fucking tired of America. I’m tired of cell phone plans, and Mondays, and credit scores, and iPhones, and insurance, and dry cleaners, and excel spreadsheets, and conference calls, and billable hours, and customer service numbers where no one ever helps, and just basically pissed off that somehow someone turned life into one big assfuck instead of something sweet.
Conspiracy Theory
Am I the only one who noticed that all the levers on gas pump handles where you can click it and not have to hold the handle while you pump have disappeared in recent weeks?
WTF? Am I crazy? I know this shit is really happening. It’s pissing me off. I hate holding the gas pump handle.
Catfishin' Part 2
In news that’s probably interesting to no one but me, unless you have a shitload of Tumblr followers and are looking to make a quick buck:
I just closed a deal where I helped some dude who had a bunch of successful social media pages (Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Blogspot, and a couple others) sell all of his pages to some company who thinks they’re going to make a bunch of money off of...
Just saw the Social Network. I need some internet money, how do I get that?
Catfishin'
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish …
After today, I’ve decided that I’d much rather be a catfish than a lawyer. it was a particularly shitty day, highlighted by subordinates fucking up all the shit I asked them to do (I think because I’m not some old white man). In any event, I can’t really blame them for not giving a fuck, because most...
This or That
There are two types of people:
People who are shocked and amazed when things don’t turn out as planned and people who are shocked and amazed when things turn out as planned.
I’m definitely the latter. Not that its particularly good or bad, just that I need to start expecting the unexpected.
Things I Wish:
More people would say “I love you” more often
September 2010
7 posts
Suicide Sunday catch up (on Tuesday)
UNO …
DOS …
TRES!
And just like that, I’m all caught up.
This shit right here . . . this shit right here!
Is some epic shit. I never knew a razor could be so bad ass. 5 ultra thin titanium blades with a new and improved hydrating strip! Fuck Yeah Gillette! Fuck Yeah!
Thanks to you my face and my balls are smooth as silk. I will never ever use another razor again … unless I find one with 6 blades.
Things I Hate:
Seeing people talk about their lives on Facebook.
Suck It!
Dear Girlfriend and Jon Hodges,
Notwithstanding the 20+ point blowout my Raiders suffered this weekend, the Chargers are losing to the Chiefs. Fags. Suck it. See you for the Raiders/Chargers game in Oakland in October.
Fuck you,
Jowery
Dear Republicans,
(Meaning Glen Beck, Sarah Palin and all of your stupid followers)
Please stop invoking the name and memory of Dr. Martin Luther King. Goddammit. I know that black people don’t have exclusive ownership of his memory. But, seriously, have you no fucking shame? It’s really pissing me off to hear you keep saying his name, and likening your retarded efforts to do whatever it is...
August 2010
19 posts
What if you could remember what happened last...
I hosted a shit show of a debauchery extravangaza at my house over the weekend. Turned the video recorder on my laptop on for hella long just to capture the fun. I had forgotten all about it until just now, thanks to a friend. I’m gonna go check it out.
I won’t be posting the results on the internet.
Query:
Join office softball team + Like women = lesbian?
To the anti-mosque at Ground Zero people:
Please suck my balls. This is America assholes.
Thank you,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Defender of Religious Freedom
Say what?
Staying with my aunt and uncle in SF for a couple weeks while I work out my living situation.
This shit is pure jokes. My uncle is from the West Indies and speaks broken english, plus his only volume is 10, so he scoots around the house all day yelling in pidgin english. The only words I understand are his cuss words. So it sounds like, “yabbity bippity huh smik tat pah MOTHERFUCKER SHIT...
I GET MONEY!
Just finished up day 3 on my new slave ship, which so far is far, far fucking sweeter than any of my previous slave ships. In addition to not completely sucking, I remembered a few things about having a real job that are pretty awesome:
1) Making Money: Whoever says money doesn’t matter is lying. Making money is one of the best feelings ever. EVER. And after my last hiatus, I realized...
How Do You Know If Ron's Drunk?
You know how ELSE you know Ron’s drunk? THIS: And THIS: Ditto.
“You can’t have the keys back, you don’t know how to drive!”
– Barack Obama